At The End It’s Only Me
“Suddenly I know I’m not sleeping
Hello I’m still here
All that’s left of yesterday” Evanescence
This week has brought an influx of uncertainty and doubts. Not only externally but internally as well. I am living with 5-7 muscles spasms a day and any one of them last from 1 minute to 20. They wake me when I sleep, if I move to sit up my back locks in severe pain, and my appointment yesterday brought a new understanding that I need to get my health back under control. I need to continue eating healthy and more so, drink more water, cut down on coffee (boo!), quit smoking, etc. The pain is excruciating, and it makes it hard to function for a bit after. The doctor has given me a new muscle relaxer, stronger than I have now, while for now the ones for pain stay the same. Hopefully this helps because between yesterday’s scare and the pain, I wanted to die.
Winter sucks. I am certain this feeling is season depression, but I am lonely and quite sad lately. There are a few things in love and life that seem to be attacking that but generally it just is what it is. I am starting to get closer to who I was before than I was just before the holidays which I am not certain is a good thing. See, I started to not care. I went through motions but for the most part, I just existed. Then I started to feel again, which was amazing at first. Now it seems like letting people in isn’t a positive thing. I guess no one likes to be vulnerable. But there are things going on that as much as I wish I could mention, I cannot right now. Things are changing, and it is breaking my heart in so many ways than just one.
With all that being said, life still goes on and flexes through the day whether we want it to or not. We have to take the loops and bumps and still function like nothing is wrong. It isn’t easy, but we somehow do it. Some of us, like me, mostly alone and others with a support system in play. We drive deep and find strength, even when we feel we are at our weakest moments. We shift through sands, we walk through mud and water, and we still come out ok. Somehow, we figure out the path we need to take and get by. But lately it seems more and more that the only person at the end of the road is me, myself, and I.
Kitchen Kauldron – French Onion burgers are amazing. Make a hamburger like you normally would, use French onion soup, add swiss and have a bowl of the soup on the side for dipping! You won’t be sorry.
Coffee Chaos – I cannot figure out how to replicate strawberry shortcake flavored coffee and cannot find a decent brand out there. Anyone have any ideas? New England Coffee only has it in portion packs in the summer!
Press Play – Fame on Fire is an amazing cover band. Check them out. I have been finding great stuff on YouTube lately!!!
Popcorn Worthy – Am I the only one not into the whole Star Wars thing? Tomb Raider either. Just not my thing I assume. Any good series or movies worth watching?
Weekly WTF – SAMS Club in our area is closing. For Xmas, we were given a membership. WHY SELL MEMBERSHIPS IF YOU ARE CLOSING? The closest one otherwise is in Concord which is over 45 minutes away. Now to see if we can get the money back.
Ok guys….I am out.
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