Control and Other Things
“Goddamn right you should be scared of me…. who is in control?”
Sometimes words are fleeting and the power of what I could say can be cold and callous. I try continually to be positive and fight the urge to scream; No, I am not angry it is just the sounds in my head crying for release. They say that is usually the plight of an artistic mind. Maybe I am just insane.
Lately I am restless and watching things around me. Sometimes quiet, sometimes vocal about the things I hear and see. For every ten comments I make, I hold back fifty despite the fact people assume I say everything I am thinking. But I never do. Half the time, there really is no point, especially when things have already been said and no changes have been made. I refuse to waste my breath on anyone, knowing that sooner or later reality slaps them in the face and wakes them up. That is their problem not mine. I am just done with drama, lies, bullshit, and fake people.
This weekend is about to be a busy one. Halloween in my town, in NH, and my dad’s famous Italian dinner at the club. I am not looking forward to the chaos the holidays always brings but it is approaching quickly and seems to come quicker every year. Don’t get me wrong, I love Xmas and seeing the girls so excited but the chaos and pretending to care about everyone and everything is exhausting. As always, I do it for the girls and their happiness. Sometimes I wish I could just hibernate through it or avoid the family stuff that surrounds it. I would be much happier then.
As always, my week was quite dull with nothing too extravagant. I am making plans to branch out from my common ‘circle’. The cold air is killing my body and hopefully the blood work shows why my body hurts so much and so often. I swear my body hates me sometimes. But every day I get up and push forward somehow. Just the same cynical, amazing, fucking ray of sunshine I always am. Love me or hate me, I am pretty awesome!
Now…. onto the other shit!
PRESS PLAY: This week is a mixture of Halsey, Three Days Grace, and 2Pac. My randomness seeps into my music as well!
WEEKLY WTF: A guy was arrested in Maine dressed like a tree for obstructing traffic. They say it was for performance art and the comments on the articles I read were all horrid tree puns. For some reason, this is cracking me up.
DIY: I made my own homemade Febreze stuff to save $$. I use Downy Unstopable Scent Boosters (one cap full), 3 tbsp. of baking soda, and hot water. Throw it in a spray bottle and shake before using. To date, I have saved about $40.
POPCORN WORTHY: Tim Burton is amazing. Watch the movie Big Eyes. Great flick! Lala and I also watched the movie 9 this week. Worth it!