Everyone Has A Story
” She cries her life is like some movie black and white. Dead actors faking lines over and over and over again she cries” – Fuel
As I began writing this week’s blog, I had about four paragraphs written and Lala came downstairs with C to chill and talk. I paused typing to hang out with them for awhile and catch up on the day, her work, C’s artwork, and life in general. Right now it is 3:53 AM and I have deleted my whole blog as it was to continue my thought process.
My life has been a tangled web of loss, trauma, happiness, sorrow, and every other scenario you can think of. Actually, I was a fairly happy and confident child, despite the bullying I endured. But I never paid attention to it. I carried myself high and proud, despite being different than other girls my age. My world was blown to shreds at the age of 13 by a guy who decided to take his own tangled web out on me. That’s a whole other story. However, what transpired tonight in the conversation made me think….
Everything and everyone in this world is interconnected. Every person, every experience, everyone we meet has a story and an existence that impacts the other in such a way that even just a smile leaves a piece behind that the person carries on to another person. Every time I meet someone in Philly when I visit, we find ourselves exchanging an experience in some way, but in different ways. Each experience we have with others, major or minor, happy or sad, is experienced by the other person in such a different way it could almost be an entirely different story. But the stories begin at birth and continue after death and entwine everyone around the world, creating a mosaic of something spectacular. It is the lucky people who realize this and can see how the mosaic pieces together. I guess I am the lucky one.
You see, I am often called a bitch. I am very forward, almost blunt to a fault where I don’t care what I say and just say it. I make it a promise to not lie now and be honest every chance I get. I am not perfect, but I try to be the best person I can be. There is a story in everyone, good or bad, and every time you meet and connect with someone, they take that piece with them still and it meshes with their own piece of truth.
My new therapist told me that we have about 90,000 thoughts a day and only 10% are new. So each thought we have is one we have had the day before, and the day before that. Whether we know it or not, those thoughts continue on day after day and combine with the new ones. My task was to take some of my thoughts and create something positive from the negative thoughts. I want to be a person who can change one person’s frown and make them smile. Even if for one second of their day so they know that piece I am taking with me won’t be wasted. I want to live in the world, not merely exist.
When I first went to Philly, I met people I had never physically seen before. It was a whole new story to add to my own mosaic….One broke my heart, one became a part of my family (Loppy), one grew into my soul as my best friend and confidante who I will know and love forever (Dutch), one who makes me smile and makes me want to sit back and talk about the world (Frank), one who gave me more confidence and while he drives me nuts, he is a great guy I would love to get to know who he is and what his story is (Eric), one who showed me how beautiful I am and makes me want to be a better person (X)….and so on. You get the point. However, I also learned that in order to live, I have to put myself out there. It can be scary and it can be daunting when you see the world so cynically. But when you put aside the fear, pain, self-consciousness, and doubt you experience a world so amazing, you want to continue to color and create that beautiful mosaic with more pieces. There are so many waiting to be created….
Thank you to everyone who has become a part of my story. I look forward to building more chapters with you. Even if you weren’t mentioned, you know who you are and know I love you deeply.
“I still fall on my face sometimes and I
Can’t color inside the lines ’cause
I’m perfectly incomplete
I’m still working on my masterpiece” -Jessie J
Press Play: Linkin Park – Breaking The Habit is kind of my theme lately. As is Stone Sour – Tired. Check em out if you don’t know em.
Turn the Page: I wanted to add another piece to my ramblings and I LOVE books. I read the book John by Cynthia Lennon. The perspective on John Lennon’s life is so intriguing. If you get the chance, read it!
Popcorn Worthy: In class we are discussing bystander apathy. I found a movie an article I read was based on. Check out The Witness when you can, about a woman’s death death and the people who did nothing to save her. 38, they say. It is an amazing insight about Kitty Genovese in the 60’s.
Weekly WTF: Someone needs to return Tom Brady’s jersey. Why can’t people just fucking be decent? They say it is worth over $500,000 already. Just give it back to him!!!
Kitchen Kauldron: Spinach noodles, a little butter, seasonings, salt n pepper, and parmesan cheese with ham steaks is amazing. My mom used to make it for me and it is a comfort food to me. Try it! You will love it.
Furioustival 9 Countdown: 3 Months and 14 Days
Thanks for reading my ramblings and comment! I love to read thoughts, even if you disagree.
As always….be good or be good at it!