“That’s the kind of girl that I am. Don’t you know, I really don’t give a damn? Let me be me for me and not what I’m supposed to be.” -TLC
Some say I tend to be cynical and a bitch. I am unfiltered and sometimes callously so. Does that mean I am always angry or upset? No.
Sometimes when I am posting, people assume I am depressed or upset. They think I am sad or hostile. Nope.
Do I feel things? Yes. But most of the time, by the time I am writing about it, it is said tongue-in-cheek and with a sarcasm that I can pull off. However, I realize in a blog post online you cannot always see it or read it. I am not sure how to remedy this. Even if I don’t, I won’t stop posting my thoughts or change how I write.
Someone once told me that I am not responsible for what people think I mean or how it makes them feel. If I am mad, I will say so. If I am sad, it will be stated. I am not an emoji person. I do not waste time on the smileys and text-speak people have taken on as their only form of expression. I have no need to. You will read and take things as you will.
This is why I love lyrics so much. When you hear a song, you take the music and lyrics for how you feel and what they mean to you no matter what the artist intended. It is the beauty of the arts. My writing is no different. If you read my poetry, much of it seems dark and suicidal. Sometimes angry and hostile. But sometimes my intention is to show my version of happiness and the beauty of the moon rise. I am not all rainbows and puppies and I never will be.
I happen to be awesome, regardless of it all. I am also loyal and fiercely protective of those I love and who I consider worth it. I love writing song lyrics and I am one hell of a singer. I write poetry and love to color. I love animals and I am obsessed with iced coffee. I am also a chronic pain patient. I have a degenerating spine, fibromyalgia, I am being tested for RA as recently, my hands are to the point that sometimes I can barely type. I am in a lot of pain 24/7 and it never lets up despite being on a narcotic pain medicine and Neurontin. I am also considering getting my medical marijuana card per doctor recommendation. I sleep scattered. I have never been a sleeper for the most part. I am a hard worker and miss working. For those of you who do not know, I fell at work and that is part of my pain, I also walk with a limp and have a brace I walk with now. So, for the moment, I am finishing my Master’s degree in forensic psych. I have goals, dreams, and an ever-wandering mind…I also have a dirty thought process, say fuck a lot, speak my mind…I am kinky and love to have fun. Those who are closest to me know I will do anything I can for them.
That is who Sin/Boston/Jenny is. Everything and nothing. A mother, fighter, Dj and staff on Furious, one of the authors on this blog, and one amazing woman. I am proud, beautiful, loved, and flawed. I have been hurt, but I love deeply…I’m human just like you….
On to the next one…
Press Play: Some songs that describe me are…. Miley Cyrus – Can’t Be Tamed, TLC – Something Wicked This Way Comes, and In This Moment – Fighter. What songs do you think best describe you?
Popcorn Worthy: Give me some ideas. I need some good movies to occupy my free time!
Weekly WTF: Where do my keys go? Seriously…How do I lose them so often? I am still convinced I have an elf or gnome that steals shit and puts it in a random place!
Coffee Chaos: So, at the Santa parade, we stopped in this little local shop for coffee and hot cocoa. If you can find it, make sure you try New England Coffee’s flavor Snowball. You will not be sorry. I need to buy a few bags at the shop so I can brew my own! It is German chocolate and coconut flavor! I never get hot coffee but I was not sorry and can’t wait to try it iced! Maybe Santa will send some to Grifter for xmas this year!
Until next week….be good or be good at it!