I paced around for hours on empty
I jumped at the slightest of sounds
And I couldn’t stand the person inside me
I turned all the mirrors around -Halsey
To say this week has sucked is putting it mildly. As most of you know, I speak a lot about mental health and I am honest about my own struggles. While some of them I will not talk about here, most things that happen I am not ashamed of and own. Especially if it helps someone identify things or helps them know they are not alone, it is all worth it.
Monday morning as I got bean ready for school, the entire building evacuated due to the smoke detectors going off. With my PTSD, I was severely triggered and after searching it looks like the problem lies in one of the smoke detectors in my apartment. Bean was so distraught and Lala was a mess. After 20 minutes they stopped, Bean went to school by her choice, and I came back inside with Lala. Lala left to hang out with my dad and get out of the house. I stayed here and just tried to collect myself.
People do not realize that when these things happen, my whole world is thrown off. For example, at one point a show I was watching had a loud whistle in it and I have a complete panic attack. Noises and sounds make me jumpy. If I hear a siren I run around to see if something is wrong here. I have even left my mom’s after hearing a siren to come home and check to make sure my apartment was ok. I have trouble focusing and eating is a no go. Smells make me sick and I am completely exhausted. These effects go on for sometimes a full week after my PTSD is triggered. I have written a short paper for class 4x due to this and I struggle to read things after an attack. Everything in my life is delayed so being on time for anything is a bust. Nothing makes these things ease except for time but depending on the situation and what happened, symptoms can last days.
Why am I sharing this? Because this has been going on since Monday. I cannot sleep or even get out of my own way. People bitch and complain when I am like this but until you know what is going on, which you can ask about, so you know, don’t judge me. I am tired of people having double standards around me and talking down to me. I am not a moron. I am struggling with something that completely haunts me and takes over my life.
Press Play – I quoted a song by Halsey called Control which is about mental illness and the lyrics could not be more appropriate right now. Look it up! Also check out a group called Kaleo. They rock!
Popcorn Worthy – AHS this season is kinda slow….but between Scandal and This is Us…Ten Days in the Valley….good stuff out there.
Coffee Chaos – FUCK YOU PUMPKIN SPICE…just sayin
Kitchen Kauldron – My dad got a bread machine, so I think I am going to try and make bread using my Kitchen Aid this weekend. Hopefully it comes out good!
Weekly WTF – There have been so many motorcycle accidents around here lately! Drive safe and stay off you fucking phone!
Ok guys…be good or be good at it!