PTSD Explained

  |   Boston Chapter, Fight Thru It   |   No comment

I paced around for hours on empty

I jumped at the slightest of sounds

And I couldn’t stand the person inside me

I turned all the mirrors around   -Halsey



To say this week has sucked is putting it mildly. As most of you know, I speak a lot about mental health and I am honest about my own struggles. While some of them I will not talk about here, most things that happen I am not ashamed of and own. Especially if it helps someone identify things or helps them know they are not alone, it is all worth it.


Monday morning as I got bean ready for school, the entire building evacuated due to the smoke detectors going off. With my PTSD, I was severely triggered and after searching it looks like the problem lies in one of the smoke detectors in my apartment. Bean was so distraught and Lala was a mess. After 20 minutes they stopped, Bean went to school by her choice, and I came back inside with Lala. Lala left to hang out with my dad and get out of the house. I stayed here and just tried to collect myself.


People do not realize that when these things happen, my whole world is thrown off. For example, at one point a show I was watching had a loud whistle in it and I have a complete panic attack. Noises and sounds make me jumpy. If I hear a siren I run around to see if something is wrong here. I have even left my mom’s after hearing a siren to come home and check to make sure my apartment was ok. I have trouble focusing and eating is a no go. Smells make me sick and I am completely exhausted. These effects go on for sometimes a full week after my PTSD is triggered. I have written a short paper for class 4x due to this and I struggle to read things after an attack. Everything in my life is delayed so being on time for anything is a bust. Nothing makes these things ease except for time but depending on the situation and what happened, symptoms can last days.


Why am I sharing this? Because this has been going on since Monday. I cannot sleep or even get out of my own way. People bitch and complain when I am like this but until you know what is going on, which you can ask about, so you know, don’t judge me. I am tired of people having double standards around me and talking down to me. I am not a moron. I am struggling with something that completely haunts me and takes over my life.



Press Play –  I quoted a song by Halsey called Control which is about mental illness and the lyrics could not be more appropriate right now. Look it up! Also check out a group called Kaleo. They rock!


Popcorn Worthy – AHS this season is kinda slow….but between Scandal and This is Us…Ten Days in the Valley….good stuff out there.


Coffee Chaos – FUCK YOU PUMPKIN SPICE…just sayin


Kitchen Kauldron – My dad got a bread machine, so I think I am going to try and make bread using my Kitchen Aid this weekend. Hopefully it comes out good!


Weekly WTF – There have been so many motorcycle accidents around here lately! Drive safe and stay off you fucking phone!


Ok guys…be good or be good at it!


S1N, AKA "Boston", leads the Boston Chapter and DJs on Furious Radio. You can find her sitting under the bar, making iced coffees, or writing while wearing her dragon slippers. She’s a Red Sox fan, musically minded, and tries her best to be good… or be good at it.

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