“I’ll give you my heart, give you the sky…gotta take a chance on you and I. It’s easy to lay the blame tonight” -Jason Singh
Everyone lives differently and adapts to what is around them. Every day I try and map out what I am doing and how far I can go before I have to rest. But I still get questioned about being sick frequently, having bad days regularly, why I am so tired, and what exactly I do. This week I was reminded of the Spoon Theory so I thought I would share with you. I would love if you try it, but I know reality says almost none of you will.
The Spoon Theory was born from the amazing mind of Christine Miserandino. I suffer greatly every day, but I generally do not look sick or disabled. Many illnesses are invisible and I talk a lot about them, but this really caught me.
So she was having dinner with a friend and her friend was trying to comprehend what she goes through having Lupus. So she gathered a bunch of spoons….
“Most people start the day with unlimited amount of possibilities, and energy to do whatever they desire, especially young people. For the most part, they do not need to worry about the effects of their actions. So for my explanation, I used spoons to convey this point. I wanted something for her to actually hold, for me to then take away, since most people who get sick feel a “loss” of a life they once knew. If I was in control of taking away the spoons, then she would know what it feels like to have someone or something else, in this case Lupus, being in control.”
What transpired was a list of tasks and as each task was listed, one spoon was taken away. But it goes deeper than just the task. Cooking dinner, for instance, can cost up to 3 spoons…cooking, eating, then cleaning up. Some days you have more spoons (good days) than others (bad days).
“After we were emotional and talked about this for a little while longer, I sensed she was sad. Maybe she finally understood. Maybe she realized that she never could truly and honestly say she understands. But at least now she might not complain so much when I can’t go out for dinner some nights, or when I never seem to make it to her house and she always has to drive to mine. I gave her a hug when we walked out of the diner. I had the one spoon in my hand and I said “Don’t worry. I see this as a blessing. I have been forced to think about everything I do. Do you know how many spoons people waste everyday? I don’t have room for wasted time, or wasted “spoons” and I chose to spend this time with you.”
Even talking on the phone can cost a spoon. It can be tiny or huge, but most days I am short and by 7 PM I am out of spoons, out of energy, and out of time for the day. Having kids makes this even harder. Especially with Bean being a mess since an incident on Tuesday at school. PTSD counts as well. Actually, any illness can be described with the Spoon Theory.
(The paragraphs in quotes are written by Christine and you can read the theory in full at this link: The Spoon Theory
Now this may not fit everyone, but it does sum up nicely how I feel. It is so frustrating and hurtful when someone gets upset that I have not done something or I am not available right away. Sometimes I am just busy, other times I am simply exhausted. Until we figure out what is crushing my body, I just live the best I can. I try not to get so upset with myself for my limits. I try to understand that not everyone will get it and they will doubt me. If only people would take a second and realize that I fight hard and it is sometimes a win…sometimes a loss. But I do the best I can.
In other news….the groundhog saw his shadow today. 6 MORE WEEKS OF WINTER! While it kills my body, I love winter and always have so I am pretty excited about this. VD (Valentine’s Day seems so formal. VD cracks me up) is on it’s way, and it is that time of year when everyone seems to be itching for summer. IS IT JUNE YET? No, not yet…but it will be here before we know it.
So much to do…so little time
Press Play: As I write this, Jason Singh – Easy (John Doe Remix) is playing. Also heard The Weeknd – Real Life and Saliva – They Don’t Care About Us. What are you listenin’ to?
Kitchen Kauldron: Between the recipe Dutch gave me for his stuffed peppers and a new pretzel recipe I want to try…next weekend I will be doing a lot of cooking. This weekend will be all about the SUPER BOWL food!
Popcorn Worthy: This week I caught up on Bates Hotel and Taboo. Not movies but great shows!
DIY: Got a candle that is done and you want to reuse the glass holder? Pour boiling water into the candle and let it sit! The oil and wax rises to the top and you can pull out the leftover wax easily.
Weekly WTF: When you are drawing blood I always tell you to take it form my left arm. My right arm is harder to get it from. PAY ATTENTION! I despise blood work! Don’t get me started on my dentist issues!
Well guys, be good or be good at it! GO PATS!!!!!!! WE NEED A 5th SUPERBOWL WIN!